As mortal beings, we are subject to the fall. What does this mean? It means we make mistakes. It means we will know what is right, know why it is right, and why we should do it, but then we will still choose to do something else, because it sounds fun, or we know it will feel good. Immediately after failing to measure up to what we are supposed to, we have a tendency to feel inadequate, sad, angry, and like a failure. We often will even assign hateful intentions to our actions, and make ourselves seem worse than we actually are. We will even question whether or not God still loves us, and if He is mad at us. Now, I do believe that we can disappoint God, but I question how deeply we truly can. Very often, I think we overestimate the level of frustration which we cause God. I think more often than we believe, He has already forgiven us, even before we realize just how wrong we are. How is this possible? God sees us as we truly are, and how we can become. God does not limit His mercy to second chances, third chances, fourth chances, or even thousandth chances. He has set the bar at "And as often as my people repents will I forgive them of their trespasses against me."
What exactly constitutes repentance? This is a question which I am still struggling to find the answer to. I once had a definition of repentance as a complete absence of sin, a perfect lifestyle which did not involve any wrong choices, and certainly not any severe sins. I am starting to wonder if this truly is what is defined as repentance. Yes, there are sins which need to be entirely removed from your life, however, I think there are different levels of repentance which are different levels of difficulty to attain. I think one of the hardest parts of repentance is to forgive yourself. It is next to impossible to convince your greatest critic, you, that you truly have repented and changed. It takes a lot of doing, a lot of choosing the right, and a good portion of pain before you will be willing to accept your own repentance. However, I truly feel that this is a important part of repentance. I think that it is impossible to repent when you still see yourself as a vile sinner, for as you think, you act.
Ironically, in order to forgive yourself, there is a strong need to feel that you have repented. I think this is because whether we like it or not, we have a deep relationship with ourselves, and like the spouse of an abusive partner, we are scared that the pain will never stop. Unlike this kind of situation, we can't leave. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will always be there with yourself. So in this light, it is important to realize that we need to love ourselves. This is so often quoted in sophistic sayings plastered over inspirational backgrounds which none of us really believe, but we re-post and hope to one day feel. I think that loving yourself is so much deeper than a pleasant saying, a look in the mirror with a smile, or taking care of your body. Yes, it involves all of these things, but I think the best way to strengthen your relationship with yourself is to serve others. How much do we love those who serve? How easy is it to think highly of someone who puts other's needs before their own? We often praise mothers, military, missionaries, ministers, and Christ himself. How much easier do you think it would be to love yourself, if you knew that person you see in the mirror is constantly working selflessly for others? How much easier do you think it would be to assign positive attributes to that person, if you knew of their purity of heart, and love for others? I think this is how God can love us, even in the vilest of sins. He sees us for what we really are, what we really can become, and while He does see the bad in us, He also sees the good, and how much more powerful the good is. We need to remember that good is far more powerful than evil, and that if we strive to do good, it will grow and expand within us to the consuming of our beings.
I think that the most powerful tool in our arsenal for good is the Atonement. We cannot be as God would have us be without it. We cannot change ourselves without Jesus' help. We can see ourselves as God sees us, as Christ sees us, as we truly are when we are able to look through the lens of the Atonement. Why would God send down His son if we were a lost and fallen people, damned to fail again and again, with no hope? He would not. Christ suffered for your sins, He suffered for your pains, sorrows, and afflictions. He knows intimately precisely why you chose to sin, and He gets it. He also knows how to get back out. We are not here to fail, but to succeed gloriously. We are Gods in embryo, with divine destiny and purpose. This is why I chose a starry background for my blog, I think seeing the stars stirs within us all a desire to strive for something more than we are, and reminds us of the paradox of man. We are nothing, yet we are everything.
I again testify to the reality of God, the purity of service, and the holy calling which is serving your fellow man. As Christ did, do also. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
See also:
Mosiah 26:30
3 Nephi 10:6
Moroni 6:8
Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence
See Others as They May Become (See YOURSELF as you may become)
The Savior Wants to Forgive
Laborers in the Vineyard
The Atonement Can Clean, Reclaim, and Sanctify Our Lives
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